Intellectual Orgy

(The “Snark At Me” has been un-disabled on this entry because I realized that if i don’t have it open, i can’t solicit more members! geez!)

Somewhere in the city, a cry for help sounds… a beacon lights up the night sky, calling for aid from the most powerful of superheroes…

Unfortunately, he’s busy elsewhere…

However, being that everyone and their mother can see that beacon, the call for help shall not go unheeded!

(cue dramatic crescendo)

Petty Larceny Girl – Armed with her questionable morals when it comes to restaurant utensils and her newly acquired fondue fork, she fights evil-doers while keeping her eyes open for interesting restaurant creamers

Nap Grrl, whose motto is “The world is always a better place after a good nap”

Velcro Man – When a man with a shaved head develops unsightly stubble, he knows that evil-doers are afoot and he is magically transformed into this paragon of justice with his bristly scalp.

The Beard – In his own words… “All of my powers are derived from my facial hair. It is a cursed existence, as I must face the ethical dilemma of whether it is better to be handsomely clean cut, thus attracting all of the women-folk, or freakishly shaggy with the ability to save the world. You might think that women would be attracted to a a world-saver regardless of his untamable beard, but you would be wrong.

As for my super powers, well, I only have one. I rub my beard vigorously, thus acumulating enough static electricity to produce a lightning bolt that I can use to thwart evil doers. I need to have at least a weeks growth to pull off this feat, so it is important that I be notified well in advance of any evil schemes.” — Now that’s not too much to ask for, is it?

From deep within the bowels of a color-coordinated cubicle farm, The Geek-Fu Master, brings justice heavily upon the heads of evil-doers (Regardless of whether they Windows or not). His motto: “When in doubt, try percussive maintenance. If that fails, go for the high explosives.”

The Singing Chef brandishes her Silpat of Justice to stop ne’er-do-wells from eating bad-tasting food, all the while belting out Opera and show tunes… She’s aided by her teenage side-kick, La-La Girl, who fights evil at every turn! (Well, until curfew and whenever she isn’t grounded, that is…)

TMI Girl lunges into action wielding her ability to stun villians and stop them dead in their tracks – or send them fleeing in terror – with graphic descriptions of experiences with natural childbirth, suicidal husbands, gruesome messes she’s cleaned up after and the sheer horror of customer service jobs. (Quoth, TMI Girl: “While I am the Original TMI Girl, there are legions of my sisters, as most social circles have at least one! (Not to be confused with Vodka Girl, who is sometimes mistaken for TMI Girl, but whose abilities extend only to creeping people out & making them swear off drinking and/or sex.)”)

Frothing forth from the suburbs of Washington State, Koffysnobb brings her perky brand of crime-fighting to the team. She roams the land with her french press and bean grinder in an effort to stop the evils of the Burnt Starbuckness. For too long have B.S. and his band of followers ravaged the land, burning out tastebuds and covering up their nastiness with the sugary, frothy concoctions they call “coffee drinks”. With infinite curage and caffeine, she will show people the way back to Coffee Goodness!

Though we tried to keep him and his multi-directional arsenal away, The PUNisher has joined the group. Wreaking vengeance with a lethal arsenal of vocabulary, love of over-kill and a fundamentally black wardrobe, The PUNisher has been known to maim both friends and foes with his artillery of bad punnage.

Joining the League from the world of Blogspot, SPARKY the CAT appears in his signature leathers and tattoos, brandishing deadly weapons like bad cat-breath and finely honed claws that have dug around in a litter-box! Run in fear evil-doers! He prefers live prey!

This entry was posted on Monday, April 19th, 2004 at 2:34 pm and is filed under life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.